It's been a while since i've written a new blog post, and in some ways I'm rather sad about that. I have a lot of thoughts looking back on the year and moving forward.
On a more serious note, i've had to remove my work e-mail address from pretty much all of my social media accounts and my website. I have had some unprofessional and messages and I just want to put a reminder out that I accept work through my agency The Bright Group only - even if you're offering payment - this is as they handle contracts and legal protection ensuring I receive ethical work treatment.
I also just want to disclaim that I'm not looking to work on self-publish projects or for private commission. If you'd like a blog post going in depth into this topic then I'm happy to discuss the career side of things more, let me know.
Moving on, although i've been working on a handful of gorgeous projects this year, I've felt like I stepped back a bit - just focussed on my life and on my job but with no energy or steam to drive any self initiated work and development projects at all. Given that those things need spare time, it's easy to see why sometimes you could loose incentive. Sometimes i've been frustrated with myself, that i'm not more passionate or working hard enough, but at the same time I know I feel better now having put those passions into other areas of life and improving my life outside of my career. It was very important to me that my happiness didn't just come from work, which may not last forever.
As a result of the balance i've created, and despite my doubts, I've recently started to get a bit of spark back when it comes to developing as an artist. I have that feeling that there's a mountain in front of me, that my work needs to be miles and miles better than it is - that might sound daunting but it's actually quite motivating. I'm often frustrated with the way my work looks at the moment and i'm excited to see if I can continue to challenge myself on into 2020 and what becomes of these thoughts.
In 2020 i'd really like to challenge myself in my career, develop artwork and write more. I'm ready to put more of myself into my career than I've felt in a long time. I suppose my attention was needed elsewhere, so if you're feeling that way at the moment, it's ok for you to have these tides with your career - pushing and driving forward, and lapping back peacefully and working on yourself. I didn't know whether this desire to 'drive forward' would return, and now that I do, I know that next time I step back I just need to ride the wave and wait. 'The right time' will come and there is no rush. There's no use comparing yourself to others, you've got to go at your own pace.
My biggest endeavour career wise to date was completed this year. My first author/illustrator book will be releasing later in 2020, and although i'm plagued with fears nobody will like it, and pressures of wondering whether i'll be able to author illustrate again - I'm determined to keep going and keep trying. I keep thinking that i've already peaked and it's downhill from here! But, that's such a damaging way to think. Besides, success is not really measurable or tangible it's whatever you make it, it's how you feel inside (working on your feelings of self worth is something you can only do from the inside out and nothing can be said or given to validate you).
The best may yet be to come. It may be something you've never even dreamed of - So, it's best not to give up!
One last thing I wanted to address in the blog is my online print shop. It is now closed, for various reasons. I'm so grateful of everyone who supported it, and my continues to support my artwork by buying books, likes, retweets and little instagram hearts. It means more than you'll probably ever know. But, with every door that closes let's hope some new ones open!
Thanks for reading my most recent update.
I'll look forward to seeing all the magical, festive artwork across social media this winter - and hope to create some too!